he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
