So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
