you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Damn victory sex feels great
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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