It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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