I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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