Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
