just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
