Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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