the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
