i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
well you can't waste a boner
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
