I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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