DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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