Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
