Im at strip club and am horny
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
where are you?
Hypothermia
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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