I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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