i need an iv and a liver transplant
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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