i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
