So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
