i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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