He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
