just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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