Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
