ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize