So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
