He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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