I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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