I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
