Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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