i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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