I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
