Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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