i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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