This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
