Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
