so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
