he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
