i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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