It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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