do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
