I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
