would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
