he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
