sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
