yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
