wakey wakey hands off snakey
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize