Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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