I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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