Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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