I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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