People in love make me want to vomit
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
