really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
