I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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