Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
