I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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