Your mouth is God's brothel.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
