I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
