My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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