take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
