Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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