we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
