You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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