Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
