that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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