i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I have post one night stand depression
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