I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
