i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize