Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
