I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
