ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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